GOD SAYS "NO" FIRST TO SAY A BIGGER "YES"

The 6^th Commandment is usually seen as a big spoilsport. It has a big "NO" written all over it. And it's true. This commandment is saying "NO" to us. God is saying "NO" to adultery. But God is saying "NO" for a reason. God says "NO" because God wants to say a bigger "YES".

Many people believe that this commandment is saying that sex is dirty or evil. That's not true. God has never said that sex is evil. In fact, sex is one of God's gifts. It is only the Serpent within us that can turn sex into something dirty or evil. That is why God has a commandment surrounding it, to protect us from the Serpent's attempt to abuse sex.

But sex is not what the 6^th Commandment is all about. In fact, it's not even close. As you know, God wants us to live long and happy lives. But that would be impossible if we didn't have any friends. So the gift of the 6^th Commandment is companionship. Without companionship we could never live a happy life. Friends and family are essential to life. After our parents and our physical health, the most important thing in our lives is companionship.

There is one kind of companionship that goes beyond the normal friendships we have; and that is the companionship of marriage. The definition of marriage is the "ultimate companionship", because in a marriage the man and the woman share everything. They give themselves to each other completely. The husband and wife are inseparable. The needs of one are the needs of both. When one is hurt, both are hurt. Neither of the people in marriage will ever be alone, because they always have each other.

Of course, an important part of this ultimate companionship is sex. When a man and a woman decide to give themselves to each other in marriage, they give themselves totally. Through sex they can express this total commitment to each other. In marriage, two people can live together and show their love for each other without fear or shame, because they have made a commitment to each other. This commitment is not a burden, because the couple enters into it willingly. They join together because they love each other.

THE SERPENT'S TRICKS

Since companionship and marriage are such great gifts, naturally the Serpent wants to destroy them. The trick that the Serpent uses to destroy companionship and marriage is adultery. The best definition of adultery is "betrayal of a companion". Adultery can take on many forms. The most obvious form of adultery occurs when a man or a woman betrays their marriage by having sex with another person. This is the worst kind of betrayal because the love and trust between the couple is destroyed; and it will be difficult (maybe impossible) for the couple to regain the love and trust after such a betrayal.

Yet, sex is only one form of adultery. Sex is the end of result of lust. Jesus once said, "Every one who looks at a man or a woman lustfully has committed adultery in their hearts". While this may seem harsh, Jesus is telling us that adultery begins in the heart, with lustful thoughts. The Serpent wants us to look at someone with lust, because the love and trust of a marriage begins to break down with this lust. Even if nothing happens, lust begins to destroy the marriage.

Adultery doesn't have to be sexual in nature either. Remember, the definition of adultery is betrayal of a companion". Thus, any time you betray a friend you are committing a form of adultery. If a man lies to his wife, or a woman makes fun of her husband; there is a betrayal that can lead to the destruction of marriage.

DIVORCE - A SINFUL SITUATION

The final result of adultery can be divorce. The sad fact is, almost 1/2 of the marriages in this country end in divorce. In a divorce only the Serpent is happy; everyone else suffers. The married couple suffers because they have lost the gift of ultimate companionship. The children suffer because they have lost the gift of their parents. Even the community suffers because the people involved are part of the community.

Divorce is one of the Serpent's greatest tools, because all people suffer. Yet there may be times when a marriage is so totally destroyed that a divorce may be the only thing which will prevent further damage. That doesn't make divorce right. This is another one of those sinful situations. Divorce is never right because people always suffer in a divorce. But a divorce may be the best of two very bad alternatives.

THE 6^TH COMMANDMENT BEFORE MARRIAGE

The 6^th Commandment also forbids adultery before marriage. It is never right to betray a friend or a companion. This will take the joy of life away from that friend or companion.

Part of this means that the 6^th Commandment forbids pre-marital sex. Pre-marital sex may seem harmless, but nothing is farther from the truth. The fact is, whenever you have sex with someone before you are ready to make a commitment to that person; you are betraying that person in the most intimate of ways. The results can be very harmful.

The obvious example is when pre-marital sex results in a pregnancy. Within a marriage a child can be a great gift because the married couple is equipped and able to handle the job of raising a child. The married couple is committed to caring for the child. But outside a marriage, no such commitment exists. If two people are not ready to make a commitment to each other, they are certainly not ready to make a commitment to a child. Thus, both the parents and the child will suffer as a result of pre-marital sex.

Pre-marital sex can be harmful in many other ways as well. Reputations can be destroyed. It may become harder to meet and have other companions. There are social and physical problems. The hope for a good marriage in the future may be destroyed. The Serpent may tell you that pre-marital sex is harmless, but when the gift of sex is taken out of marriage it can be harmful. By taking sex out of marriage the Serpent has turned sex from an act of love into an act of lust.

The difference between lust and love is simple: in an act of love you are concerned with the happiness of the other person, but in an act of lust you are only concerned with your own pleasure. Lust is a selfish act where you use someone else for your own pleasure. In fact, that's a good way of judging whether you are caring for your companion or betraying your companion. If you are only concerned with your own needs and desires then there is lust and you have betrayed someone. When there is love, both people care for each other.

THEME FOR LESSON #7: The gift of the 6^th Commandment is companionship, and marriage (the ultimate companionship).  Adultery is the betrayal of a companion. 

Meaning - We are to fear and love God so that in matters of sex, our words and conduct are pure and honorable; and husband and wife love and respect each other.